Seven Characters In Search Of An Exit
by Carly-M
Summary: The study group become trapped and look for an escape. But is one of them searching for an escape from something else?
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Seven Characters In Search Of An Exit (1/2)  
><strong>Author:<strong> Carly  
><strong>Character(s)Pairing(s):** Study Group, J/A  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Up to 3.07  
><strong>RatingWarnings:** PG  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 3096  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I don't own Community.  
><strong>Summary:<strong> The study group become trapped and look for an escape. But is one of them searching for an escape from something else?  
><strong>Notes:<strong> I'm imagining this is set not long after 3.07. Title inspiration comes from one of my favourite Twilight Zone episodes ('Five Characters In Search Of An Exit').

* * *

><p>Britta led the study group down the concrete stairs into the dank, dimly lit school basement. "Did anyone bring the plastic ziplock bags to scrape the mold into?"<p>

Everyone looked expectantly towards Annie, who rolled her eyes. "Oh sure, Annie's the study bunny, she'll have everything so no one else has to bother."

The group remained unmoved. "… So do you have any?" asked Troy.

Pursing her lips, Annie reluctantly opened her backpack. "I have small, medium, large and," she paused to read the package, "'_Dayum_ that's a big sandwich' extra-large bags."

"I think I've got that brand at home," said Pierce. "Although it's not meant for sandwiches if you catch my drift."

"Pierce, no one wants to catch anything from you, let alone something to do with your genitals," said Jeff, edging away from the wall so the mildew wouldn't ruin his shirt. "Can we just hurry this thing up so we can go home? It's late enough as it is."

"It's like six thirty at night, man," said Troy, taking some bags from Annie. "What are you rushing home to? The 'Gramps and MeeMaw Variety Hour' on the oldies network?"

"No, wise guy. I want to get home because, unlike some people, I actually enjoy escaping this insane asylum once in a while."

"Our school isn't that bad, Jeff," said Shirley passing some bags to Abed. "Today in the ladies' room we had a new lavender air freshener installed," she beamed.

Jeff stared at her. "Well gee, what was I thinking? Where can I sign up for another four years of lavender-scented hell?"

"The men's room smells like a petting zoo," Troy murmured.

"Guys," said Annie, holding out her hands in a placating fashion, "let's just stop bickering and collect this black mold for our Biology assignment. I don't want to give Professor Kane another reason to fail us this semester."

"Yeah, well, you know who you can blame for that," said Jeff.

"Todd," they replied in unison.

"Exactly."

"Turtle-loving hippy," Pierce sneered.

Abed inspected a portion of the back wall with the oversized magnifying glass he'd brought in. "I found a patch of mold in the shape of a Transformer. We should start here."

"Awesome," breathed Troy, joining his friend for a closer look.

The rest of the group spread out as best they could in the small room while Annie handed around latex gloves and popsicle sticks to scrape the mold with. She gave another pair of gloves to Pierce soon after when he punctured his original set trying to make cow udders.

Annie was digging away at a particularly ingrained patch of mold when she noticed Jeff standing idly at the base of the stairs watching them work. "Sorry, did I miss the memo?" she said, whirling towards him.

"And what memo would that be?" said Jeff.

"The one where you told everyone about your telekinetic powers, because I'm not sure how else you're getting the assignment done from over there."

He held up his bag with the tiniest amount of mold at the bottom and smirked. "It's already done, milady."

"Don't 'milady' your way out of this one, Jeff, that's the lamest effort I've ever seen - and Pierce is in the room!"

"Hey!" Pierce yelped.

"Do you or do you not currently have _another_ latex glove udder sticking out the top of your pants?" Annie asked, without even turning around.

"No… I haven't put it in there yet."

Annie raised her eyebrows at Jeff as if to say, '_See_?'

"We don't even need that much, Annie," said Jeff. "By the time everyone puts their samples together we're going to have enough to create a tiny mold man."

"Or mold woman," Britta interjected.

"Or mold _shut__up_."

"Can we call it Winston?" asked Troy.

"What about 'Fergus the Fungus'?" suggested Abed.

"Enough about the stupid non-existent mold man!" yelled Jeff, just as the door at the top of the stairs slammed shut. Everyone gaped at one another before bolting upwards in a disorderly fashion. Jeff reached the top first and rattled the doorknob, but it was locked into place. He tried again, yanking the handle back with all his strength, but it made no difference.

"Please tell me we're not stuck," said Shirley, warily.

"Maybe it just needs some more elbow grease?" said Pierce.

"Or maybe it just needs a woman's touch," said Britta, stepping forward to try her luck. She twisted the doorknob a few times before giving up. "Yep, it's locked."

"Thanks for that, Sherlock," snarked Jeff, before turning hopefully towards Annie. "You're just about to tell us you have a key in that Boy Scout backpack of yours, aren't you?"

Annie's face colored. "I didn't think we needed one; the door's always usually open. Chang's idea of security is to put a piece of string across the entryway to see if anyone walks through it."

"And now we're trapped. Classic sitcom staple," murmured Abed. He noticed six pairs of eyes lock onto him. "What?"

"Abed," Jeff began, in a strained tone, "is this one of your set-ups where you get to live out another one of your random TV fantasies?"

"I already told you, I don't do bottle episodes, Jeff," he said, checking out the door with his magnifying glass. "Besides, if I were going to do a group episode I'd put us in some kickass costumes first. Maybe do it at Disneyland for a vacation special."

Jeff glowered at him before pounding on the door. "Hey!" he called out. "Can anyone hear me? Hello? … I'm trapped and I have no shirt on!" He paused before meeting the confused expressions on his friends' faces. "I thought the Dean might have been lurking around," he shrugged. "Worth a shot."

"What about our cell phones?" said Annie, reaching into her bag.

"I have no reception," said Shirley, checking hers.

"Me either," said Britta.

"Hang on, I think I do," said Troy in excitement. "Oh, wait, that's my battery life. And that's about to die too."

"So no one has any reception or internet connection?" Jeff clarified, getting a chorus of 'no' in return. "Well, that's just great."

They reluctantly made their way downstairs to think of their next course of action.

"Wait," said Annie, a flash of relief flooding her face. "We don't have to be the ones calling for help, maybe the help will come to us! Shirley, won't Andre be worried when you don't get home in the next hour or so?"

"Normally yes," said Shirley, "but he's taken the kids to his mom's for the evening so I could have some 'me time' and relax. It's only my second night away from Ben, too," she added quietly.

"Damn your selfishness!" growled Pierce, before instantly holding up his hands. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry… I just don't do well in enclosed areas."

Troy's eyes widened as he backed away. "He's got crazy old man space fever again."

"It's called claustrophobia, Troy," said Britta, "and it's manageable." She approached Pierce and gently rubbed his shoulder. "It's OK, Pierce," she said in a soothing tone. "I'm going to help you through this. We just need to take a trip on the memory plane and discover when you first started to feel like the walls were closing in on you."

Pierce started to breathe even heavier. "Oh God… walls crushing me… I'm going to vaporize before I finish my bucket list."

"You're not going to vaporize, Pierce."

"I still haven't porked Sophia Loren!" he cried; crumbling into a sitting position on the floor, head in hands, while Britta awkwardly patted him on the back.

"And she didn't even need a therapist's couch," said Jeff. "You are a treat to the profession as always."

"OK, so the Andre idea didn't pan out," said Annie, joining Britta in the awkward back patting. "Is there seriously no one else who'll be worried about us?"

"My emergency contact is Abed," said Troy. "And my second emergency contact is Inspector Spacetime."

"Aside from Shirley, none of us live with family," Jeff pointed out. "And all of our friends are in this room…"

"We really don't have anyone else to send out an overnight search party, do we?" said Annie sadly. "We could just drop off the face of the earth and no one would know."

The group quietly contemplated this thought, clutching their bags of mold as if they needed proof that they did exist at some point.

"Sitting around dwelling on things isn't going to get us anywhere," said Abed matter-of-factly. "We need to work together and hatch an escape plan. This usually runs a lot smoother via musical montage, but we'll just have to wing it for now."

Troy searched through the junk lying on the ground. "Maybe there's a secret trap door in here. Or a stash of grenades!"

"I don't know about anyone else, but I vote for _not_ blowing ourselves up," said Jeff. "Maybe there's a toolbox or something we can use to pick the lock."

"I could try roundhouse kick the door?" suggested Annie. "My karate skills have gotten pretty good lately."

"My face can attest to that," muttered Shirley.

"Settle down, Nikita," Jeff directed at Annie. "Let's not add a broken leg to the list of problems piling up."

"Who says I'd break my leg?" said Annie defensively. "If I'm going to break anything it'd be your disillusions with my awesomeness."

"With your 'awesomeness'?" he smirked.

"Yes…" She folded her arms. "It's really hard not to say that word when you live with Troy, OK."

"Awesome!" cried Troy, pulling something out of a crate. "A Human Being costume!" He turned it inside out. "It's like a really creepy snake shed its skin and crawled off to become an even creepier snake that kills people in its sleep."

Britta gave an involuntary shudder. "OK, I vote for Karate Kid to get us the hell out."

While they were all arguing with one another, Pierce lifted his head from his hands and stared at the back wall. His eye twitching, he slowly stood up, grabbed a crate and ran full pelt at the back wall with a war cry of, "Nyaaaaaagh!" smashing a small window in the process.

The room fell silent as everyone's jaws dropped in shock. "I found a way out," said Pierce in a low tone, brushing flecks of glass off his shoulder.

Jeff carefully approached him, taking the crate out of his hands after a slight tug-of-war. "That's… great, Pierce. But if you take a peek through your haze of crazy, you might notice that the window you just destroyed has the width of a DVD case. Not even Abed and his toothpick body could squeeze through that."

"I didn't find a way out then?"

"No." Jeff slapped the side of his neck. "But you did find a way of letting all the insects of Greendale inside, as well as the cold November air, so thank you once again for your competence."

"What are we supposed to do now?" said Shirley.

"How about we each take turns banging on the door while the rest of us keep looking for anything that will help us get out of here?" said Annie.

"Sounds like a plan," said Jeff, moving towards the stairs. "I'll try the door first."

"Me too," said Annie, following him. "I can feel the bugs eating me alive already."

They reached the top of the stairs and spent the next ten minutes alternating between banging on the door and calling out for help, but to no avail. Frustrated, they sat down on the concrete stoop for a short break. Annie inspected her knuckles, red and grazed from all the friction on the door. Noticing her injury, Jeff took hold of her hand to examine it himself, rubbing his thumb lightly over her knuckles.

"Well, looks like your hand modelling career is down the toilet," he said with a smirk.

"Darn it. And just when I landed the front cover of 'Hands-mopolitan' magazine too," she said in mock-seriousness. "I was going to be a star." She grabbed Jeff's other hand. "Looks like you've been through the wars too."

"Nah, I'll be fine. We all know my face is the real money-maker."

She smiled and fished some Band-Aids out of her backpack, opening one to put over a small cut on Jeff's hand. He tilted his head to the side thoughtfully, silently appraising her resourcefulness.

"You'd make a great nurse."

"Thanks," said Annie, looking pleased. "Did I ever tell you I had to apply a tourniquet once? Some guy got stabbed outside my old apartment building a little while ago."

"Are you serious?" he said, grabbing a Band-Aid to put on her hand. "I'm really glad you got the hell out of that place, Annie. You were one step away from becoming inspiration for the next murder victim on CSI."

"I can take care of myself, you know," she gently chided him. "I'm not a kid anymore, remember?"

"I know. But adults need protecting too." He kept tracing his thumb over her hand. "You're important to me," he said in a quiet voice.

Annie felt something catch in her throat. A chill of anticipation coursed through her as Jeff started to lean in. Annie glanced at his lips, leaning in to meet him too, when…

"GET IT AWAY FROM ME!"

The sound of Troy screaming halted them back to reality. With an air of unfinished business lingering between them, they rushed downstairs to see what new chaos had unfolded. Troy was standing on top of a crate, jumping from foot to foot like he needed to pee, while the rest of the group searched the ground.

"What happened?" said Annie.

"Troy saw a mouse," Abed explained.

"I didn't just see a mouse," Troy shrieked. "It was a mutant mouse! That thing had horns, and biceps and… fangs!"

"Now who's the crazy one?" Pierce said from his curled up ball in the corner.

Britta tried to stop Troy from squirming. "It's OK, I'm sure all of the screaming has scared it away by now. And besides, it's just a tiny little mouse. It's probably more afraid of you than you are of it."

"I didn't see the mouse cry, did _you_?" snapped Troy. "I'm not getting down."

"Fine, have it your way," said Britta, over-dramatically. "I guess a big strong guy like you _isn__'__t_ brave enough to stand up to a defenceless rodent. I guess you _don__'__t_ have the calzones to face your fears."

"I think you mean cojones," Jeff stage-whispered.

Troy squinted at her. "Your reverse psychology isn't going to work on me, Britta. Or your first gear psychology - or any other car science. I'm not going anywhere near that giant-ass mouse."

"Well you can't stand on a box all night, sweetie," said Shirley. "Especially when there are only a few in here. Some of us need to sit down and rest our tired mother-of-three feet."

"How about we start a bonfire and toast marshmallows to distract ourselves?" said Abed. "I've got an emergency junk food stash in my bag, and the fire would keep us warm from the chill that's setting in thanks to Pierce's rage blackout."

Troy considered this and slowly brought one foot down to the floor. "… I do like eating marshmallows."

Abed nodded. "Because it's what you think eating a cloud would taste like."

"Exactly, man," said Troy, bringing down his other foot. "You get me."

"Food works every time," Abed said quietly into Britta's ear.

"Is there anything to put a fire in?" said Jeff, finding it hard to see in the glow of the bare, flickering bulb above them.

Troy picked up the crate he was standing on. "What about this?"

"You want to start a fire in a _wooden_ crate?"

"You're right," he sighed, "it's too small."

"There's a couple of steel drums back here," said Abed from the space underneath the stairs. "One of them has something in it, but this one with the lid off is empty."

Jeff helped Abed lift it to the middle of the room. "Do we just break up the crates for kindling?" asked Jeff.

"We should keep them as seats," said Annie, thinking of Shirley. "And for mouse emergencies," she added, hearing a cough from Troy.

"I've got a spare notebook I could throw in," said Shirley, reaching into her purse. "Let's just grab any stack of papers we have and put them in a pile."

They all agreed, except for Annie, who was clutching her backpack like she was protecting a bear cub. "_All_ of our paper?" she said in a small voice.

"Annie," said Jeff, coaxing her arm away. "I will personally buy you notebooks every color of the rainbow when we get out. But we're not _going_ to get out if we freeze to death."

"… Fine." She glumly took out a few notepads and folder paper, clinging to a small purple pad. "Even the one with the cat on the front wearing a wizard outfit?"

"_Especially_ that one," said Jeff.

The seven of them arranged themselves around the steel drum and threw their contributions into one messy pile.

"I assume Brit-ta will do the honors with the lighter?" said Shirley with a smile plastered on her face.

Britta glowered at her before taking a lighter out of her pocket. "It's only in there because I haven't worn these jeans in a while, OK?"

"I'm not judging you, sweetie."

"Oh really? Because your tone and the judge-y face are telling me otherwise." She leant into the drum to pick up a few papers to start burning, but just as she was flicking the lighter, something caught her eye.

Jeff frowned as Britta threw everything back in, bar one thin booklet. "Um, do you need to roll the paper up before you light it or…"

"We've got bigger things to worry about than fire at the moment, Jeff," said Britta, showing the front of the booklet to everyone. "Like why in the hell someone had college transfer forms in their bag?"

Everyone froze as another gust of cool wind whipped through the smashed window. All they could do was stare at one another with betrayed eyes - and a smattering of curiosity lying underneath.

"Now would be the perfect time to fade to black and have 'to be continued' scroll across the screen," noted Abed.

"Abed," Jeff snapped. "How many times do we have to tell you? We don't live in a freakin' TV sh-"

_To be continued…_


	2. Chapter 2

"-ow," said Jeff. "There is no 'to be continued' sign hovering above us."

"Technically it wouldn't hover, it would…"

"_Abed_."

"Can we just get back to the real problem here?" said Britta, waving the transfer form around. "I want to know who the traitor is."

"Traitor?" said Shirley. "I think you're being a bit harsh there."

"Am I? … Interesting."

"Oh you did _not_ just use your Psychology 101 tone on me, girl," said Shirley, arching an eyebrow. "They're not my papers. End of story."

"Well maybe I want to add an epilogue," said Britta, circling around the steel drum. "How do we know they're not your papers?"

"Britta, you're talking to the person who complimented the Greendale bathrooms before," said Jeff.

"Yeah, but Shirley's also been mentioning how tired she's been lately juggling kids and her schoolwork," Britta pointed out. "Maybe she wants to transfer to a college where there's a day care center on campus for Ben."

"Isn't there one here?" said Annie.

"Do you really want me to put my baby in a center where Garrett volunteers?" said Shirley. "That boy is more jittery than a Chihuahua."

"So it could be true then," said Britta.

Shirley tightened her grip around her purse strap. "I don't appreciate you implying I'd be a traitor to the group if I decided to put my child's wellbeing before mine."

"I… I wasn't saying that. OK, maybe traitor was too harsh of a word."

"That's exactly what I said in the first place!" Shirley shook her head and sat down on a crate. "I'm not leaving the school. How can I when it's clear you all still need my moral guidance?"

"You young folk should take note," agreed Pierce, squeezing one of his glove balloons like a stress ball.

"You're the one who needs it the most you damn fool."

"It _would_ be a whole different dynamic without Shirley around," pondered Abed. "Just imagine…"

* * *

><p>"<em>OK, you're free to go." The cop unlocked the jail cell and waited for the six inhabitants to emerge. <em>

_Jeff walked out first, looking dishevelled in the previous night's clothes. "Happy 21st," he croaked at Annie, who followed him out._

_She rubbed the mascara underneath her eyes. "I can't even remember it, everything's a blur." She screwed up her nose. "Was there something about a singing pirate?"_

"_You saw that too?" said Pierce in relief. "I thought I was hallucinating again."_

_Britta had one arm wrapped around Troy's neck and the other around Abed's as they helped her struggle out. "Everyone needs to quit yelling," she said in a slurred voice. "And tell that iguana in the corner to stop mocking me."_

"_Abed?" said Troy. "You know how we thought it'd be cool to have a drinking competition like the cowboys do in westerns?"_

_Abed nodded, putting a hand to his head when the motion made him dizzy._

"_It turned out to be the opposite of cool."_

"_Maybe __we _should _have __just __gone __bowling,__" __said __Annie, __holding __on to __Jeff__'__s __arm __for __support._

"_Where's the fun in that?" said Jeff, wincing at the sudden bright light._

_They reached the counter to collect their belongings while the cop gave them some forms to sign. "This is to state that you all acknowledge defacing private property belonging to one Mr Peter Fletcher."_

_Recognition dawned on Annie's face. "Otherwise known as the owner of Pirate Pete's Discount Treasures," she groaned._

"_I think I know where I left my pants now," mumbled Troy._

_Annie's cell buzzed with a new message. "It's from Shirley. She says she's sorry she couldn't make it to birthday bowling because her class ran late, but she hopes we all had good, clean fun without her." Annie looked at everyone in their various states of disarray and gulped. "I vote we never speak of this again."_

"_You better tell the iguana that," said Britta, staring at an empty chair. "It looks shifty."_

* * *

><p>"Why am I crazy drunk iguana lady in the story?" Britta protested.<p>

"Did I get nice birthday presents?" said Annie, pausing when Shirley cleared her throat. "Right. Not the point."

"I think we can all agree that having a little Shirley in our lives is a good thing," said Abed.

"Oh, that's nice," Shirley smiled.

"No matter how overbearing she may be sometimes."

"Speaking of things that will get us back to talking about marshmallows," said Troy. "Can we have marshmallows now?"

"Troy we're trying to get to the bottom of this problem," said Britta. "Unless… maybe you're creating a diversion so we won't think it's you."

"It's not me."

"Spoken like a guilty man."

"Do you even know what the definition of guilty is, Britta?"

"Do _you_?"

"I don't know, do _you_?"

"Gee, I don't know, do _you_?"

"Do either of you two know the definition of _shut __up_?" yelled Jeff, earning disgruntled stares from the pair.

"Yeesh," said Pierce. "Way to make a scene, drama queen."

Jeff rolled his eyes. "Says the man fondling a cow udder."

"Let's just get back to the matter at hand," said Britta. "Troy? Why do you hate the school and want to leave?"

"I don't hate the school," he shrugged.

"Mouse!" she yelled, pointing to a dark corner.

"AAAARGHH!" Troy screamed, leaping up onto a crate. "DON'T LET IT EAT MY FACE!"

Britta smiled triumphantly. "I lied, I didn't see the mouse. I just wanted to prove that there _is_ something you hate about Greendale."

"Who the heck is teaching you Psychology, Britta?" said Annie in bewilderment. "The clown from IT?"

"OH GOD NOW THERE'S CLOWNS?" Troy wailed.

Abed approached Troy and handed him a marshmallow from his satchel to try and calm him down. "I can't reveal my sources, but trust me when I say that if Troy were thinking about switching courses it'd be an inter-campus affair."

"What does that mean?" said Britta.

"Nothing you need to worry about right now." Abed gave Troy more food. "If you get down, Troy, you can have the whole packet."

Nervously gazing around, Troy slowly nodded and hopped off the crate.

"Is this where you pat him on the head and say 'good boy'?" asked Jeff.

"Laugh all you want Jeff, but I'd let him rub my belly too," said Troy through a mouthful of marshmallows. "He's my person."

"Troy would never separate himself from Abed," agreed Annie. "I don't even know why we're debating it. I mean can you imagine a school day without those two joined at the hip?"

* * *

><p><em>Abed hid behind a study room desk dressed as Inspector Spacetime. "If we can reach the lunar station, Constable Reggie, I'm certain we can defeat the Blogons."<em>

"_Yeah, those baloney heads are going to eat some serious moon crap," said Pierce, accidentally twirling his baton into his face._

"… _Blogons."_

"_That's what I said. Blong Gongs."_

_Abed stared at Pierce, unblinking, before taking off his bowler hat. "I don't think this is going to work."_

"_What are you talking about? My best friend audition is going awesome." He raised his eyebrows knowingly. "See? I said awesome. Legit gnarly awesome, yo."_

"_No."_

"_Oh come on. Detective Space is on the case!"_

"_This isn't going to work," said Abed in a robotic voice, ticking his head from side to side. "This isn't going to work. This isn't going to work."_

"_Guys?" Pierce yelled out to the library. "I think I broke Ay-bed again."_

* * *

><p>"I guess this means I'm out of the running too seeing as I'd be in the same situation as Troy," said Abed.<p>

The rest of the group murmured their agreement, except for Britta. "Wait, hang on, that doesn't mean anything. Abed could just be playing mind tricks on us."

"Don't be ridiculous, Britta," said Troy. "Abed wouldn't think about leaving the school without telling me first – or at least sending me a Tweet about it. We're in this for the long haul."

"Hashtag six seasons and a movie," said Abed and Troy in unison, high-fiving one another.

"Here's a thought," said Jeff, turning towards Britta. "Maybe you're flinging around psychobabble to take the heat off yourself."

"Psychobabble?" said Britta indignantly. "I know way more than you jags."

"You keep telling yourself that Sigmund _Fraud_."

"Puns aside, Jeff may have a point, Britta," said Annie. "You have been pretty quick to throw judgement at everyone else. Why can't the papers be yours?"

"Because I've finally found something I want to do with my life and I don't want to add it to my long list of stuff-ups," she proclaimed, her cheeks burning red. "You guys can pick on me all you want, but I really like my Psych class here and I don't want to leave. I mean sure, Duncan smells like that creepy drunk, Spaghetti, who lives out the front of Annie's old apartment, but the guy knows his stuff. And after I graduate I'm going to open up my own practice." Her friends nodded encouragingly. "Maybe even branch out into pet psychology too."

Jeff bit his lip. "So many horse whisperer jokes right now," he said in a strained voice.

Shirley gently patted Britta's hand. "We're sorry we keep making fun, sweetie. We didn't realize you were so focused."

"Yeah, we're sorry, Britta," said Annie guiltily. "I guess it's like Pavlov's Bell. Once we hear you in therapist mode we're conditioned to become snarky."

Britta scrunched up her nose. "Pavlov's what now?"

"… Nevermind."

Troy shoved another marshmallow in his mouth. "OK, so that only leaves Jeff, Pierce and Annie in the running to be a lame-ass traitor."

"_Troy_," Shirley scolded.

"Sorry. In the running to be a traitor."

"It can't be Pierce," said Abed. "We already touched on the storyline of him leaving the group. We know how that ends."

They all glanced at Pierce, who was crouched in the back corner of the room with sweat glistening on his forehead despite the chill.

"Are you OK, Pierce?" said Jeff.

"I would be if everyone stopped breathing and sucking the walls in closer," he grumbled. "If Annie didn't want to marry City College so much I wouldn't even be in this torture chamber."

Jeff frowned. "What?"

"What?" squawked Annie, as everyone's eyes fell upon her.

"It's you!" said Britta. "You want to go to a more prestigious college so you can feel smarter and talk to people about Pavlov's bugle or whatever."

"Ugh, Pavlov's _bell_, and no I don't!" Annie flung out her arms in frustration. "There's no way I'd transfer there, not after what they did to the paintball tournament."

"Then why did Pierce say their name then?" said Troy.

"I have no idea." She strode towards the old man and knelt down beside him. "Pierce? Why did you say I wanted to marry City College?"

"Because you do," he replied. "And because we made our flag a butthole."

"Wait… where do you think we are right now?"

"The space bus. Geez, what planet are you living on?"

Annie's eyes widened as Britta came closer to the pair. "He must be having post traumatic stress triggered by his claustrophobia," she said, using Abed's magnifying glass to get a better look at his face. "This is so interesting… and sad and awful and hopefully he'll snap out of it soon," she quickly added.

"Nice save," mocked Troy.

Jeff eyed Annie up as she joined the rest of them by the steel drum. "So, uh, just to clarify then… you're not transferring anywhere?"

"No," she smiled softly, "I'm not." She had a sudden horrible thought. "Wait, doesn't that mean _you_ are?"

"What?"

"You're the only one left and the papers have to belong to someone." Annie poked him hard in the chest. "You tell me right now where you're going, Jeff!"

"Ow! I'll be going to the hospital if you keep stabbing me," he said, swatting her hand away. "I'm not leaving Greendale."

"You have to admit, Jeff, there is a pretty good case stacked against you," said Abed. "You always talk about how crappy the place is."

"And you're always keen to take shortcuts in all your classes," Shirley added.

Jeff sighed. "Do I need to break out a Winger speech to convince you that I'm staying put?"

"That's another thing," said Troy. "All your big speeches, man. You say all this stuff like, 'Greendale's a craphole, but it's our craphole'. But then you turn around the next day and it's like you've already forgotten about the hole you crapped in, and then you crap on the school for real like an angry pigeon."

"That's eloquent, thank you."

Troy rubbed the back of his neck. "This is why we need you here, Jeff. No one else has the hang of speeches like you."

"Well I will give you all a master class in them because – I repeat – I am not going anywhere."

"I don't understand then," said Britta, picking up the forms from the crate she'd left them on. "How did these papers end up in here?" She scanned the front, which hadn't been filled in, before flipping over to the back. "Hang on… there's something written on here. It looks like a list."

Annie looked over Britta's shoulder. "Slap stomp," she read aloud. "Boot slam, Tickle Slap…"

"Wait, that's _my _list you're reading," cried Troy in surprise. He quickly searched through his backpack before awkwardly taking the paper from Britta. "Uh, hey, so guess what guys? There's this Kickpuncher competition me and Abed are entering where you get to think up a new villain for the next movie and those are some of my ideas." He forced out a laugh. "I didn't realize the scraps of paper I took from the library were transfer forms."

Britta pursed her lips. "So you mean to tell me we've been pointlessly arguing with each other for who knows how long because of a dumb movie?"

"Kickpuncher isn't dumb, Britta," said Abed. "He's a cultural icon. And let's face it, when does this group not argue about pointless things?"

Annie pondered this. "We did spend most of Biology class debating what the best superhero power was instead of planning our assignment… which is precisely why we're stuck down here arguing about something else entirely pointless."

"I really hate us sometimes," said Troy quietly.

"We all hate us sometimes," said Jeff. "That's why we're a good fit. And that's why we need to do this…" He took the forms from Britta and tore off the back page for Troy before grabbing the lighter and setting the rest of the pages on fire. The group watched the flickering orange glow in silence before Jeff dropped the papers into the drum, where they went up in a whoosh of flames.

"I'd just like to say one more thing," said Jeff, facing Troy. "_Slap __tickle_? Is this the porno version of Kickpuncher?"

"I know," sighed Troy. "I'm usually awesome at naming things."

Annie scoffed. "Uh, Annie's Boobs?"

"Exactly, man."

* * *

><p>"If anyone sleep walks, talks or has night terrors you're going to get banished to the top of the stairs," said Jeff. "Understood?"<p>

"What about sleep farting?" asked Pierce. "Just out of curiosity and all."

"And here I thought we'd already hit rock bottom by having to sleep on rock bottom."

After the fire had been reduced to embers, the study group decided to try and settle in for the night, realizing no one was coming to their rescue until morning. They laid out a Transfer Dance poster they'd found rolled up under the stairs to protect them from the dirty ground, but it was barely long enough to fit them all on. So they were currently bunched together on the floor like sardines in a tin, huddling close for body warmth. Shirley, Britta, Troy, Jeff, Annie, Abed and Pierce were all lined up with various coats and jackets strewn over them to try and keep the chill away.

The only person who wasn't entirely trembling was Troy, who had been convinced by Britta that if he wore the Human Being costume over his regular clothes he'd be protected from mouse bites.

Jeff shifted his head around on Annie's backpack that she had offered to share with him as a pillow. He could hear most of his friends' breathing patterns change as they fell into a restless sleep. Or in Pierce's case, a restless sleep accompanied by a small orchestra coming out of his nose.

"Are you awake, Jeff?" whispered Annie.

Jeff opened his eyes to find Annie watching him. "How can I sleep when Pierce seems to have inhaled a baby elephant?" he whispered back.

She wriggled around. "I don't think I've ever been more uncomfortable in my life. And I used to wear a back brace."

"Sexy."

"I know. I can't believe I wasn't more popular at school either." She tilted her head up to face him properly. "Jeff?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm really glad those transfer papers weren't yours," she murmured.

Jeff gazed at her. "Same." Noticing her shiver when a fresh burst of air breezed in through the broken window, he carefully moved his arm so that it was curled around her waist. Annie scooted in closer to him resting her hands on his chest.

"Much more comfortable now," she said, her breath tickling his face.

Suddenly reckless about where they were, and whom they were with, Jeff decided to lean forward and kiss her. He could feel her smile before she began to kiss him back, slowly, teasingly, making him wish they were anywhere but in the middle of an awkward seven-some. Jeff stroked the side of her stomach while Annie traced her hand along his jaw and down his neck. They broke apart with regret when Pierce snorted, startling them.

"I think it might be for the best that we quit while we're ahead," Jeff whispered.

"You're probably right," Annie breathily agreed.

"This is a great milestone for you two," Abed's voice piped up. "It's a shame the rest of the group is missing it."

"_OhmyGod_," Annie groaned in embarrassment, burying her face into Jeff's chest and feeling it vibrate when he chuckled.

"Goodnight Abed."

"Night Jeff."

* * *

><p>"Well, isn't this the most pathetic excuse for an orgy you've ever seen."<p>

The study group woke up to find Professor Duncan leering at them from the bottom of the staircase. There was a collective crackling of joints as they all tried to sit up from their crippled positions on the hard floor. Jeff couldn't feel one of his arms after Annie had been lying across it the whole night and temporarily freaked out at the weird loss of sensation.

"So go on then," said Duncan, moving closer. "What'd you all get up to? Don't leave out any details. Details are my favorite."

"Here's a detail – go away," Jeff grumbled.

"Now, now, is that any way to treat the person who, I'm assuming, is the only one to come to your rescue?" He jerked his thumb back. "Couldn't help but notice that door shouldn't have been closed."

"Thank you for letting us out," said Shirley, jumping when Pierce bolted past her and up the stairs yelling, "FREEDOM!"

"Damn," said Troy, lifting off the headpiece of the Human Being costume. "Who knew Pierce had moves like Jagger?"

"Not that we're not happy to escape," said Jeff. "But why are you even down here in the first place, Duncan?" He checked his watch. "At seven-thirty in the morning?"

"No reason," Duncan replied, inching towards the space under the stairs where the last steel drum was. "Just, uh, came down to check on something unimportant. Carry on with your escape."

Abed eyed the professor curiously. "What's in the container?"

"Your mom," said Duncan defensively, before panicking. "No, I take that back. Last time I mentioned your mom you all murdered a Christmas song while bludgeoning me to death with stationery. I do not want to re-visit that head wound."

"Move over," said Jeff, walking towards Duncan. He opened up the lid of the drum and raised his eyebrows. "Are you keeping vats of home-brewed alcohol down here?"

"Maybe…" He fidgeted. "As your hero and superior I command you all not to breathe a word of this to the Dean."

"And as captain of the ship 'SS We Don't Care', I say enjoy your paint thinner," said Jeff, saluting him.

They collected their things and traipsed up the stairs leaving Duncan to fill up several flasks with his contraband liquid. Britta and Shirley exited first, gossiping about Duncan (making Britta happy she wasn't the one under scrutiny for once). Troy and Abed followed, discussing how someone in a Human Being costume would be the perfect Kickpuncher foe.

Annie turned and smiled impishly at Jeff. "So… last night wound up more fun than I initially expected."

"It definitely had its moments," he coyly replied.

She smoothed down her crinkled skirt. "We should do it again sometime. Minus the getting locked in a gross basement part of course."

"And here's me thinking you enjoyed the ambiance of black mold and killer rats."

"You know what?" she mused. "Maybe I sort of do."

"Did you get into Duncan's stash while no one was looking?"

"It's just Greendale, I guess," she said with a laugh. "It's you, it's me… it's us. It's where we belong."

Jeff took in her smile, losing himself in a memory from a few days earlier.

"_That's all for this session, Jeff," said his therapist. "You're making some nice progress. But I'd like you to really think about what we've discussed today in terms of your co-dependency with your study group. Whether you accept it or not, you've got a stronghold over each other's lives, which can often be quite taxing on a person's wellbeing."_

"_But they're my friends," Jeff said, for what he was sure was the tenth time that hour._

"_I'm not saying to cut the ties completely. Not at all. I'm just suggesting you could give yourself more room to breathe."_

"_By going to another school?"_

"_It's only an idea, Jeff. You could regain some of your focus for your career and still see your friends in a social capacity in your spare time. Just think about it." She pressed the college transfer forms she'd picked up from Greendale into his hands. "Remember, the decision is completely up to you."_

_Jeff returned to school, the transfer forms tucked away in his folder. As he walked towards the study room he watched his friends through the window, hearing them arguing about the best flavor of ice-cream. He couldn't help but smile at the way Shirley and Britta were bickering with one another across the table while Abed and Troy tried to explain to Pierce that Phish Food wasn't really fish food. Jeff's gaze finally fell to Annie, who was calmly jotting down notes in her purple notepad. He just knew she was patiently waiting to debate the crap out of them all, but as she stopped to ponder her next point she lifted her head and saw him through the window. Grinning, Annie waved at him and beckoned him inside. Jeff smiled and lifted his hand in return, motioning that he'd be in soon._

_Making his mind up, Jeff took the transfer form out of his folder and dumped it in the recycling tray before heading into the study room._

"Are you OK, Jeff?" said Annie, resting her hand on his shoulder. "You went quiet and stared into thin air for a while."

"Me? I'm fine." Annie linked their arms together as they started walking down the hall. "We better go and check on Pierce, though. Make sure he hasn't smashed any more miniature windows."

"Or thrown fake cow udders at passing students."

"Our friends are weird."

"Yep."

"This school is weird."

"Yep," said Annie. "Some things are worth the weirdness, though."

The corner of Jeff's mouth curled up into a smile. "Yes they are."

_End_


End file.
